Paul Mecurio

Back in the mid-'90s, before Paul Mecurio was a successful stand-up comedian and TV writer, he was just another struggling comic, slumming it in some of the grimiest nightclubs in New York City.

But Mecurio was different from other comics in one important way: While his peers were sleeping in past 10 a.m. to recover from late nights performing, Mecurio was waking up at the crack of dawn to make it to his job as an investment banker on Wall Street.

For months, Mecurio kept his evening gig a secret from his Wall Street colleagues. But after a particularly grisly club appearance, Mecurio's secret life began to get too strange to hide.

"I was performing at a place called Downtown Beirut II," Mecurio recalled. "And before I went on, there was this guy playing 'Blowing in the Wind' -- badly."

"And then all of the sudden, this guy in the audience starts screaming, 'He cut me, that son of a bitch cut me!' And he's got blood all over him, and he's obviously drunk.

"Some other guy -- somebody he apparently knew -- had slashed his neck with box cutters. Meanwhile the folk singer keeps playing. He ain't stopping for nothing. And then the cops come in the place with walkie-talkies and everything."

Standing offstage, Mecurio pondered his options. READ MORE...

KALAMAZOO -- Paul Mecurio lived a life out of ``Fight Club'' in the mid-'90s, except the fighting was standup.

``I was working in Wall Street, making huge acquisition deals, and writing jokes as a hobby,'' Mecurio said during a phone interview from his home in New York City.

He sent a joke to Jay Leno, and he used it on the ``Tonight Show.'' ``He paid me $50 for this little joke, it was unbelievable,'' Mecurio said. ``It was an incredible feeling (seeing people laugh). One thing led to another, and I began living a secret double life as a lawyer by day, a comic by night.''

Mecurio, who will perform Saturday at the State Theatre, snuck out to perform at open mic nights in dive bars ``to get my fix, you know?''

He was ashamed to tell anyone. His girlfriend (now wife) thought he was cheating on her because he smelled of beer and cigarettes when he finally got home. He was exhausted all the time, and it showed at work.

Some other lawyer snidely insulted him at a meeting once.

``Just a nasty, masters-of-the-universe kind of guy. And I just got right back at him with an anti-heckle line I used in clubs. ... `You know, I could've been your father, but the dog beat me over the fence.''' READ MORE...

Lives
Consumer Man
Possible bag conspiracy threatens to undermine social order.
By PAUL MECURIO | January 13, 2008

VIEW PDF HERE

I'm one of those people who yell at store clerks. Not just any store clerks, but the ones who are rude, incompetent or indifferent. In other words, all store clerks. I'm the guy who always has to speak to the manager. In my head, I'm "Consumer Man": a superhero fighting on behalf of oppressed consumers the world over. In my wife's head, I'm crazy.

"Someday you're going to scream at the wrong person," she says. "And you're going to get shot." This "wrong person" has figured into so many of our conversations that I feel as if I know him, even though I really know only two things: 1) he's "wrong" and 2) he's going to shoot me.

One day I called a computer company and tried to reach a human in customer service. As I ran a gantlet of voice prompts, I couldn't get the automated female voice to understand me when I said "yes." Repeatedly, she asked if I'd like customer service. Each time, I said "yes." She kept asking. I could feel consumers everywhere being oppressed. So, standing there in my superhero costume (boxers and T-shirt), it was Consumer Man to the rescue. Instead of saying "yes," I tried other one-word responses.

"Would you like customer service?"

"Idiot!"

"Would you like customer service?"

"Moron!"

"Would you like customer service?"

"Whore!"

As this insane tirade took place, my wife and 8-year-old son looked on in shock. I vowed to change my ways - or at least to tell my wife that I was changing them. A new, more tolerant me was born. Someone else would have to fight for the rights of consumers. I had a family to not "frighten to death" anymore.

With this new approach, one day I found myself with eight items in the express lane at the supermarket. I felt great. Then the guy at the register asked, "Would you like a bag for these?"

He was kidding, right? No - he ag. Who carries eight loose items? He asked again: Would I like a bag? I wanted to say: "No, I'm from Africa. I'll just balance these on my head as I walk barefoot 126 miles to my village." But the "new Paul" politely said, "Yes, I'd like a bag," and I was on my way.

Being passive wasn't so bad. Although I did feel a pain in my chest and a tingling in my left arm. But if repressing my true feelings caused a heart attack, so be it. It was better than being shot. My wife would have been proud.

On the way home I stopped at a little newsstand to buy a paper. It's owned by a nice Indian gentleman I had given my business to for years. With him I never needed to "speak to the manager." Besides, in his stand there wasn't room for one.

It was raining, so I asked for a plastic bag for my paper. He lashed out at me: "We have no bag, just go, we don't have a bag, go, go, no bag!!" I was shocked, first at his hostile refusal, then at his use of "we." Denied a bag again! Had the supermarket guy called the newsstand guy to tell him I was coming?

In my new, positive tone I asked again if I could please have a bag. He said: "No! I only make 5 cents on the paper."

Since when was rain protection given for only periodicals with a healthy profit margin? In other words, I needed a bag. I saw a big pile of bags behind him. I was crestfallen. After all the business I had given him, I earned the right to encase my news in plastic. "New Paul" was gone. "Consumer Man" was back.

"I want to speak to the manager," I bellowed.

"What? No manager, no bag, just go!!"

I said he was rude, incompetent and indifferent. Although not in those words. He responded, "I'm going to kick your butt, properly!" He said "properly." I had never been told off so politely. "Go or I'll kick your butt!" he repeated.

"Do it!" I screamed and dropped my drawers right there on the sidewalk in Midtown Manhattan. While slapping myself on the backside I yelled: "You want it? Here it is! I demand a bag!"

Soon we were being watched by a large crowd - if they only knew I was doing this for them! - and two police officers.

"What's going on?" asked one cop. With my pants around my ankles and a tone of complete justification, I explained, "He won't give me a bag!"

Unbelievably, the officers made him give me one ("I hate it when my paper gets wet," explained the cop), but they gave us both summonses. "Looks like you picked the wrong person to tangle with," they said to the newsstand guy. "You're lucky he didn't shoot you." I couldn't wait to tell my wife. I had finally met the wrong person - and he was I.

Paul Mecurio is a comedian, an actor and an Emmy- and Peabody-Award-winning writer.

RhodyRocks.com: Show Review & Interview

Paul Mecurio Recap | December 24, 2007

I'm dangerously close to developing a man-crush on Paul Mecurio. I went to his final stand-up show at the Comedy Connection last night, and it was outstanding. I'm not dumb enough to try to capture a bunch of improvised jokes in writing, but I will say that you simply can't get more mileage from talking to a woman whose baby was born with two teeth than Mecurio did last night.

It's over now, and you all missed it, but make sure to keep an eye out for the next time he's back in town...

We are pleased, for the first time ever, to break from our traditional format of mindless rambles about cool bars, restaurants and other happenings in the Ocean State, and to bring you an interview with bona-fide Rhode Island celebrity. Amazingly, in our very first time out, we managed to get our subject to confess deep, embarrassing truths, and otherwise be very entertaining. If his show is half as funny as the responses he emailed me below, I might have to wear diapers to the Comedy Connection. So, without further ado, I give you Paul Mecurio.

Q: I heard you grew up in Providence. Is coming back more happy or traumatic?

A: Both. Happy because I can drive like a maniac and give people the finger when they cut me off, so I fit right in. Traumatic because the giant bug from New England Pest Control gives me nightmares for months after I come home!!! READ MORE...

Paul Mecurio: Mecurio Rising
Written by J.T. Ryder | Thursday, 20 December 2007
A Moment Of Truth With Paul Mecurio

When you go to see Paul Mecurio in action, the seamless, conversational style of his delivery and the provocative nature of his topics, it is easy to see how he garnered an Emmy and a Peabody award for his writing on the critically acclaimed The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Paul, a native of Providence, Rhode Island, began his career as a mergers and acquisitions lawyer for a Wall Street law firm. Making the transition from the world of money to the realm of funny is a move that most people would not understand. Sometimes, the cry from what's inside overcomes the commercial indoctrination defining what success is in our modern society. Sometimes, only sometimes, the truth wins out.

J.T.: With the prevalence of satirical comedy as of late, like The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, The Onion, et al, do you think satire can affect a change in the social conscious of America?